Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
