all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
