dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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