Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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