i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
