nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
handjob tips. give me some.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
