1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize