Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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