I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
