My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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