I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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