i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
