Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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