when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
