Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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