It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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