I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
