so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
