i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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