The maid of honor just puked.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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