somebody snuck up and got me drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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