ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
