forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
