i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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