We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
