therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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