My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
