dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I touched a dick in church today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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