she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
