check it out our google latitudes are spooning
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
