He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
