I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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