Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
