I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
