So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
