This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
