now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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