walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
