When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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