How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
