Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Less talking, more tequila
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
