She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
They took my balls.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize