I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
