So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize