New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
