Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
