Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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