he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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