when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
