its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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