just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
