ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
