There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize