First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
