He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
