I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
