U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
