haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
