Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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