Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
