My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
