Where did you get a picture of my penis
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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