her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
