Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We are all done wearing pants today
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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