Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish there were birth control emojis
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
