did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
