Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
