woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
