and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
