It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
