Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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