Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
